My signing at Forbidden Planet this past Wednesday was a thrill! Have you ever lugged 100lbs of future landfill around one of the most crowded cities on earth, occasionally dropping it down a flight of subway stairs? Thriiillllliiinnnng. Here are the highlights!

Forbidden Planet! Within this treasury of glories are wonders that would make any Mr. Magorium close up shop and move back in with his mother!Â

And here’s your hero, thumbs all a-uppin’, completely oblivious to the fact that soon he will be trying in vain to sell his book to people who have already decided to spend their disposable income on the original French graphic novel of Snow Piercer. (How the fuck was I supposed to know that was my competition?? I loved that movie!)

This man asked me to sign his book “To My Biggest Fan”. He also had me sign it on his penis, which was awkward because he already had Rob Liefeld’s signature tattooed there, and Rob really hogged the shaft.

Lobot is one of my biggest fans, but he better slim down if he wants to land a cameo in Episode VII.

This fellow hailed from China, and he kept politely asking me when I planned to “pay him back”. I said I didn’t know what he was talking about, and he gave me an address–

–which led to this giant computer that is apparently trying to calculate pi to its last digit. Sorry, chum! I guess some jokes just don’t translate!

This is Marcus, who was the inspiration for Hughie (really!) When I told him I had no plans for a Hughie tee he got a little upset at my throat.

It’s not just the comic market: whole families hate Weapon Brown!

I thought Mark here was Hulking out, trying to tear up my phonebook-sized tome! Actually, he was stroking out! (Sorry I didn’t call the paramedics faster, Mark! You look good with half your face paralyzed, though…)

Thanks to Jeff, Drew, Alec and the rest of the crew at FP for making my day a joy. As for the millions of New Yowkas who didn’t turn out to see me? Die of Ebola, bitches.