I just began working on my Weapon Brown arm for my appearance at the Chicago Comicon (August 20-23). Fear my foam rubber thunder!! (okay, it looks like cardboard now, but believe me, the arm is going to be quite foamy when it is finished!)
I have been journeying across Our Homeland spreading the gospel of Weapon Brown to those who deny that Chuck is the One True Blockhead. Here are some snaps from my most recent tent revivals!
 |
|---|
| Chicago! Here I am, ready to sell in The City with Big Shoulders! (Soon I will realize I am also in the The City with No Money!) |
 |
|---|
| All I did was ask this buxom Velma if she liked it Scooby style! Yeesh! I thought geek girls were supposed to be all about empowerment and shit… |
 |
|---|
| Sorry, young one. You cannot transform your way out of a bullying problem at school. |
 |
|---|
| Never piss off a muffin bender! |
 |
|---|
| Does anyone remember Atreyu from The Neverending Story? Neither did this young man! But I forced him to wear my spare Atreyu costume anyway! Parents, keep an eye on your kids at these shows! |
 |
|---|
| Look, everyone! It’s Delayed Allergic Reaction to Silver Body Paint Man! |
 |
|---|
| Finally! An honest goddamn costume! |
 |
|---|
| IÂ think I’ve made a joke before about wanting to “hit it” in relation to another costumed Hit Girl, so this photo gets no caption. |
 |
|---|
| Two Dudes, One Carton. |
 |
|---|
| Cool! A guy in a Heisenberg costume! Hey, I’ve got a great knock-knock joke for you… |
 |
|---|
| Oh shit! I forgot…HE’S the one who knocks!! |
Thank God I escaped that town with a minimum of bruises and bed bugs. Next, it was on to Baltimore, where I also found that people who spend all their money on costumes often do not have enough to spare to support FIVE YEARS OF MY LIFE’S WORK!!
 |
|---|
| Baltimore! If this city is anything like the way The Wire portrays it, I am in for some smooth sailing! |
 |
|---|
| This man was genuinely unimpressed with my notes on how I would have shot Man of Steel. |
 |
|---|
| This is Machine Man, a D-list Marvel character who I told should probably not expect a Guardians of the Galaxy treatment. His logic circuits did not take the news well. |
 |
|---|
| Threaten me all you want, but your Red Skull costume has genuine flaws!! |
 |
|---|
| I shiteth thee not: that hammer must have weighed twenty pounds, and this guy carried it on his belt as easily as an iPod! Nevertheless, I still felt that in high school he probably got his ass beat a lot. |
 |
|---|
| A sketch for a Beepo and Roadkill fan! (There are six in all existence!) |
 |
|---|
| A commission for a man’s Archie sketchbook. He requested “no filth”, but I still hid six shlongs in the drawing. See if you can find them! |
 |
|---|
| Look, I just saw a much better Thor costume. Why don’t you ask that guy for some tips? …OOOOF! |
 |
|---|
| Cutest Couple Award! Unfortunately they refused their prize, which was six months of me living in their basement. |
 |
|---|
| These guys didn’t like my opinion of their Bette Midler and Mickey Rourke costumes. |
 |
|---|
| Cutest Trio Award! Yet once again, I still don’t have a place to crash for the next few months. Please e-mail me if you have a tool shed you aren’t using! |
 |
|---|
| Keep your parakeets on a leash, people! |
 |
|---|
| Comicons:Â Family fun that Disney just can’t beat! |
 |
|---|
| You’d like to read Deep Fried? Well… bear in mind, it’s a little dark. |
 |
|---|
| Yep, that’s what I was afraid of. Sorry, Universe! |
And that’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more! If your town has a show you’d like me to attend, just send me the details (along with how many weeks you can let me surf your couch!)
My recent comic strip-delaying trip to the Chicago Comic-Con, aka Wizard Chicago, aka the Mulligan Peters Sourdough Biscuit LLC Comics Trade Show, was a resounding success! I sold many a product, shook the sweaty hand of many a fan, and, as is par for the course, I had my ass kicked repeatedly by costumed yokels with no sense of humor. The crux of my lawsuit against a the American Cosplay Guild is documented below.
 |
|
Okay, you’re not a Power Ranger and you’re not a Pokémon. You’re still Japanese right? That means I’m owed a panty flash!
|
 |
|
Yes! I swear! I SWEAR I’VE GOT MILK!!
|
 |
|
What? I can’t understand you. Are you saying “om nom nom”? Here, let me lean in closer…
|
 |
|
This guy was dressed up as Bill Gates dressed up as Mister Rogers dressed up as the kid from FLCL. I told him he was too fuckin’ meta.
|
 |
|
Long time fans, be gone! I have found the one true Blockhead, and he has agreed to solo-fund all my Kickstarter campaigns from now on!
|
 |
|
Caffeine-free Mr. T refused to pity me.
|
 |
|
Hmmm… nice costumes and all, but I dunno… could you maybe fuse yourselves into into some sort of “bananun”?
|
 |
|
Nope, nope, I definitely liked you better the other way.
|
 |
| YOU are the law? My good Mr. Dredd, let me recall for you what Benedict Spinoza had to say about such things…OW!! |
 |
| Please God, let me have just one lick of this giant root beer barrell before I die… |
 |
| Stop! You don’t understand! I’m with Occupy too! |
 |
| But seriously…how would you feel about a pity screw behind the Mighty Muggs booth? |
 |
| Okay, I learned my lesson last year: your name is Black Lightning, not Black Vulcan, right? Arrghh! Foiled again!! |
I decided to take my outrage at the Battleship movie more publicker and launched a thread on the Something Awful forums, asking people to suppose what other board game-to-movie adaptations might be in the works. There have been some amusing Photoshopped speculations. Take a look! Below is my own prediction.
…
Chicago and Baltimore were great shows! I was happy to meet so many of my fans face to face, and only wish that some of you would invest in some face cream. Here is a round-up of a few of my precious memories. As usual a slip of the tongue here, a misinterpreted glance there, and I suddenly found myself in hot water.
 |
|
I’m not sure who this chick is dressed up as, but if I had to guess, I’d say she is portraying the Black Widow from Iron Man 2, but from an alternate universe where Scarlett Johnansson lost the role to Janeane Garafalo.
|
 |
|
How did I upset this red raccoon pirate? HOW???
|
 |
|
Ur-Blockhead Rene Castellano shows off his newest acquisition: the Blockhead’s War page with Alley Oop’s dick. Yep. He’s the one who finally went for it. Rene Castellano, folks.
|
 |
|
I leered at Hit Girl and told her “I’d hit that!”, and got what I deserved.
|
 |
|
These are mushroom soldiers from Super Mario Bros., dressed up as I don’t know what from Kingdom Hearts. The logo on my shirt is like a swastika in their world or something.
|
 |
|
Nine times out of ten, promising that I will “swallow the soul” of my customer leads to a sale. Not this time, though.
|
 |
|
Honestly, all I asked Gumby was if–being made out of clay as he is and being exposed to the air and all– he was getting hard . I think he deliberately misunderstood me.
|
 |
|
You have to be careful what time of the month you choose for cunnilingus, Vision. She’s called the Scarlet Witch for a reason.
|
 |
| Please, don’t shoot! It’s not a come-on line! There really is an oven mitt on your shoulder! |
 |
| Teabagged by Captain Underpants. Nice knowin’ ya, teaching career! |
…
Finally, I met those crazy guys from Red Letter Media, the ones responsible for the Star Wars reviews I will describe to anyone who will listen like some alien-abducted Alaskan lumberjack, in Chicago. They graciously took a couple copies of Weapon Brown off of me and returned the favor by gifting me with a copy of their cool movie, a Gremlins/Critters/Ghoulies homage called Feeding Frenzy. And look! They even featured Weapon Brown in their post-con video. Thanks guys! As soon as I’ve got some weed I am watching the hell out of Feeding Frenzy. I mean, I’m sure it’s great without drug-enhancement, but I don’t want to miss out on its deeper significance.
 |
| “Well, this shit won’t sell. Maybe we could E-bay the painting.” |
