I decided to take my outrage at the Battleship movie more publicker and launched a thread on the Something Awful forums, asking people to suppose what other board game-to-movie adaptations might be in the works. There have been some amusing Photoshopped speculations. Take a look! Below is my own prediction.


Chicago and Baltimore were great shows! I was happy to meet so many of my fans face to face, and only wish that some of you would invest in some face cream. Here is a round-up of a few of my precious memories. As usual a slip of the tongue here, a misinterpreted glance there, and I suddenly found myself in hot water.

I’m not sure who this chick is dressed up as, but if I had to guess, I’d say she is portraying the Black Widow from Iron Man 2, but from an alternate universe where Scarlett Johnansson lost the role to Janeane Garafalo.
How did I upset this red raccoon pirate? HOW???
Ur-Blockhead Rene Castellano shows off his newest acquisition: the Blockhead’s War page with Alley Oop’s dick. Yep. He’s the one who finally went for it. Rene Castellano, folks.
I leered at Hit Girl and told her “I’d hit that!”, and got what I deserved.
These are mushroom soldiers from Super Mario Bros., dressed up as I don’t know what from Kingdom Hearts. The logo on my shirt is like a swastika in their world or something.
Nine times out of ten, promising that I will “swallow the soul” of my customer leads to a sale. Not this time, though.
Honestly, all I asked Gumby was if–being made out of clay as he is and being exposed to the air and all– he was getting hard . I think he deliberately misunderstood me.
You have to be careful what time of the month you choose for cunnilingus, Vision. She’s called the Scarlet Witch for a reason.
Please, don’t shoot! It’s not a come-on line! There really is an oven mitt on your shoulder!
Teabagged by Captain Underpants. Nice knowin’ ya, teaching career!

Finally, I met those crazy guys from Red Letter Media, the ones responsible for the Star Wars reviews I will describe to anyone who will listen like some alien-abducted Alaskan lumberjack, in Chicago. They graciously took a couple copies of Weapon Brown off of me and returned the favor by gifting me with a copy of their cool movie, a Gremlins/Critters/Ghoulies homage called Feeding Frenzy. And look! They even featured Weapon Brown in their post-con video. Thanks guys! As soon as I’ve got some weed I am watching the hell out of Feeding Frenzy. I mean, I’m sure it’s great without drug-enhancement, but I don’t want to miss out on its deeper significance.

“Well, this shit won’t sell. Maybe we could E-bay the painting.”