Take a look at these pictures I took near my home, in the parking lot of a defunct Hollywood Video. Inspiring, huh?
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Just look at all that triumphant asphalt, squeezing the life out of those plants! Who knows how many of those green fuckers there were at the beginning, but now only two remain! Eventually even they will be gone, leaving a pristeen, uninterrupted carpet of black!
Go home, nature. War just isn’t your game. Â
Deep Fried is back on the attack! Thank you all for your patience as I took the last month off to get my various flavors of shit together. Behold what it has earned you! I brand new website color scheme, I nifty new feature, more frequent updates and a brand new copy of the Deep Fried comic book! Hooray for me! Let the hills ring with the news of my wonderfulness!
As you should all know by now, I have been planning to debut a new Weapon Brown saga for a while. I had part of it completed last year and I began shopping it around to publishers at the 2007 San Diego Comicon. Well, no one has taken the bait yet, but I am undeterred!
So, while I continue to play society’s games, I have decided to make Weapon Brown a regular part of the Deep Fried experience. I will now be updating the site three times a week, and there will now be two features for your enjoyment: the trusty Deep Fried strip, and Weapon Brown.
At present, I am resisting assigning certain days to certain strips, since sometimes it will be advantageous to have more of one feature than another in any given week. But for the moment, they will tend to switch off every other day, and I will be continuing my format of making each page part of a larger story instead of a one-off, although I will still do stand alone strips once in a while.
But even better: with all the material I have been squeezing out, I finally have been able to construct a brand new issue of Deep Fried for your purchasing pleasure, and things look good for a fourth issue in a couple of months. Deep Fried volume 2 #3 features the first 14 page chapter of the Weapon Brown story that I have just begun on the website (see? there it is , right above you), as well as the recently completed “Funny Business” storyline, and some individual strips as well. My plan is to debut a new issue for purchase just as the material it contains is ready to be put on the site. This way, you can get the stories all at once, or enjoy them on the website in weekly installments (although why would you want to read them for free when you could be helping me buy health insurance and shaving cream?).
These new issues of Deep Fried will only be available through this site or at my convention appearances. My plan is ultimately to collect Weapon Brown and Deep Fried into separate graphic novels and start selling them through shops beginning next year. Shrewd, huh?
But don’t torture yourself by waiting that long! Grab them up as they become available, starting today! I am also selling two sizzling new prints this week! You can see what those are all about by visiting my products page. Don’t be shy! I really need that shaving cream!
There are two sure fire ways to experience the sensation of living in the Matrix: pop a fistful of Marinols and watch Groundhog Day with the sound off and Stairway to Heaven playing backwards on your stereo, or visit Apple Movie Trailers.com.
At least, that’s the sensation I get when I see so many cloned movies masquerading under different titles. Observe this week’s selections:
| Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden | Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull | |
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vs. |  |
Morgan Spurlock: the man who proved that if you eat nothing but McDonald’s people will pay ten bucks to watch you throw it up, is now going to prove that our government is hiding an incredible secret. Indiana Jones: the man who will prove the government is hiding an incredible secret and then appear in McDonald’s ads until you throw up. COINCIDENCE???
| The Hammer | The Grand | |
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vs. |  |
Two ads for what appears to be Cheerios: the Motion Picture? The machines have definitely tipped their hand this time!
| Sex and the City | Wanted | The Incredible Hulk | ||
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vs. |  |
vs. |  |
Centered text against a black background might be seen as merely lazy. But each of these posters boasts a fade effect as a substitute for artwork. That’s two levels of laziness, which points to one overworked NSA agent who can no longer conceal the LIE!! Either that or these posters are part of the Mandelbrot Set.
I will continue to explore the mystery behind these Shyamalanian messages from the stars, but you should continue about your day as if the rational world were not a gossamer curtain that could fall away at any moment.
 Eva Hopkins, my frequent girlfriend, has finally seen the seed of her darkest dream blossom into a black rose called…Dark Ivory!Â
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Dark Ivory is Eva’s new comic, created in collaboration with the rather talented Joe Linsner, and stars a sexy teen vampire who has just earned her wings. It’s “My So Called Life” meets “Harry Potter if Harry were a girl and drank blood”. It’s in comic shops now and if you don’t pick up a copy then you must be a vampire, because you would definitely suck.  Â
 I have been getting mad penis spam lately. It’s just one “Subj: Help your little friend” after another this past week. I mean, I know a daily dose of this shit is now a staple of the American breakfast, like toast and coffee, but I haven’t been this bombarded for a while. I’m starting to question my wang a little too, like maybe Tiny Elvis isn’t good enough for spreading my frosting onto all the female layer cakes out there.
I might have to buy some of their product after the president of Nigeria finishes that money transfer he’s been promising.
