I have been getting mad penis spam lately. It’s just one “Subj: Help your little friend” after another this past week. I mean, I know a daily dose of this shit is now a staple of the American breakfast, like toast and coffee, but I haven’t been this bombarded for a while. I’m starting to question my wang a little too, like maybe Tiny Elvis isn’t good enough for spreading my frosting onto all the female layer cakes out there.

I might have to buy some of their product after the president of Nigeria finishes that money transfer he’s been promising.