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And they’re off!

by JY on June 4, 2011 at 4:59 pm
Posted In: Blogginz

Romney’s out of the fate and fundraising fast! Yesterday these were all over the web. Today you will be lucky if you don’t find it dyed into your toilet paper! Behold, the 2011 Romney campaign slogo!

Mitt paid someone five years salary to create this.

 

Bear in mind this only his primary campaign slogo. Providing Mitt doesn’t post pictures of himself licking a turtle’s ass to his Wall and manages to cinch the nomination, he’s bound to come up with something slicker. He’s already boosting Obama’s gimmick of using one stylized letter as his graphic, so maybe his hook line will be one word as well, a la “Hope”.

“Loot” would be a good choice, with its double connotation for Romney’s wealth and the behavior of his class over the past few… centuries. Or for you South Park fans, perhaps “Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum-Dum” will ring true. Given the state of the American Dream these days, my vote would be for “Yoink!”

└ Tags: fundraising, Mitt Romney, president, South Park
4 Comments

MORE COFFEE!!!!!

by JY on June 3, 2011 at 1:20 pm
Posted In: Blogginz

My Paetec travel mug is down to it’s last milliliter of precious brown ichor! I must complete this blog update  before the invigorating effects of the petroleum-analog that fuels America’s work force loses its potency and I de-Hulk into just another pathetic malcontent whose graying temples bespeak a youth squandered  in a deflating economic empire no longer capable of shaping world events for the better!! Oh my lord Coffee , you are all that is tying the frayed threads of the American dream together! But what if al China discovers this weakness? What nightmare will America tumble into then??

Just walk away from the foam dispenser!

 

Mitt Romney: for president? Hardee fuckkin’ har har! Please oh please let the GOP choose him! This will be like the Titanic times the Hindenberg to the power of Fukushima!  You thought Sarah Palin was going to torpedo the hopes and dreams of the Red States? Mitt will be the effin’ Death Star!

I can’t wait for month after month of Mitt trying to squirm out of responsibility for RomneyCare, the foundation of the Healthcare Reform Act that the Tea Baggers have sworn blood oaths to dismantle! This will be rich fare indeed!

Speaking of rich, isn’t Mitt number 282 of the 400 richest swine in history who are making out like bandits in this depression? It figures that the party that wants to eighty-six the unemployment benefits of 8-10 million jobless Americans would gravitate to a plutocratic Ken Doll like Romney. His father wanted to be president once upon a time, so there’s a whole daddy issue at work there as well. Oh, and his religion was founded by vampires (that’s the Bible Belt talking, not me).

All I’m saying is, we may as well start carving Obama’s face onto Mt. Rushmore now.

I mentioned Fukushima: do you realize that that shit is STILL GOING ON?? They’ve got something like 2 million tons of plutonium slowly melting down with no way to stop it! I thought the Japanese were batshit before, but wait until a generation Godzilla’s start crawling out from between their women’s legs! Hentai will be like My Little Pony compared to what Japanimation looks like then!

Speaking  of MLP, didja know it’s back, and kinda good? The animation is done by the same crew that produced Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, so it’s all computery and modern, and actually kind of charming. Okay, the morality lessons are sappy on the count of it being a girl’s cartoon… I already know not to use my magic wings to win an Iron Pony contest, thank you! But it still has enough appeal for this childless, full grown man to have watched it more than twice. I only does it for the gif animations, I swears!

d'oh! d'oh! d'oh!

└ Tags: coffee, Fukushima, Godzilla, Mitt Romney, My Little Pony
12 Comments

Christ… need a clever title here… got nothing.

by JY on June 1, 2011 at 9:58 am
Posted In: Blogginz

Here I am again. Work on the Weapon Brown commercial has begun in ernest, and  I am going to have some custom made music created for it and everything! One problem: My gritty, bad ass Chuck voice sounds like  Alvin the Chipmunk impersonating Cookie Monster. Is anyone here friends with someone on SEAL Team 6? I bet they would have the voice I am after– cold and hard as American steel, sharp as an eagle’s talon, and as expensive as a diamond-crusted space shuttle .

Speaking of our orbital battle fleet, we are approaching the end of an era. Just one more trip into outer space for the most potent symbol of  national pride ever invented, and then the shuttle program will sink beneath the waves, disappearing into legend. How fitting for my metaphor that the last shuttle to take flight will be the Atlantis. How… very… fitting.

This week I am drinking: tonic water striaght from the bottle. Mmm! The taste of hard liquor any time of the day!

I am taking a vacation at the end of the month to Europe, with a few days of debauchery in Paris. Providing that I don’t get eaten by rude Parisian bedbugs with unshaven pits at the hostel I am staying at, does anyone have any off-the-beaten-path sites to recommend to me?

└ Tags: Alvin and the Chipmunks, Cookie Monster, Paris, space shuttle, tonic water
9 Comments

Off to a great start

by JY on May 31, 2011 at 10:41 am
Posted In: Blogginz

I’m reading: Saul Alinsky’s “Rules for Radicals”. I heard that Alinsky, a community organizer and inspiration to Barrack Obama, was popular amongst the tea baggers, and his writings helped motivate the town hall revolts during 2010. Graying right-wing Ayn Randians forced to turn to a radical leftist to elect conspiracy theorists to cut their Medicare? You can’t make this shit up. Saw his book at B&N and had to grab. In another lifetime when my engagement with the human species is less like Golum’s I may be able to put Alinsky’s writings to use.

Good news! The Middle East continues it’s transformation into a Roland Emmerich movie. Virginity tests in Egypt, disappeared journalists in Pakistan, you and I still sending billions of tax dollars to the militaries of both these nations. Thank you NPR! You make waking up hell.

The kids are all bopping to “Circle”.

These days: I am meditating to the gong sound that summons the Cenobites in “Hellraiser”. If I disappear suddenly will one of you please sprinkle some blood onto my attic floorboards so that I can return as a screaming skeleton? Gratzi.

 

1 Comment

Um…

by JY on May 27, 2011 at 6:05 pm
Posted In: Blogginz

So I’m reading CNN yesterday (print is dead but cable is print? I just don’t know what to make of our modern media), trying to work up some hu-mon tears to go along with the story of the family in Joplin whose son was sucked out of their car’s sun roof by the tornado, when something even more horrific demanded my attention. In the right hand column of the screen was this:

zombie Ann Coulter?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

How…what…? Can anyone explain this?? Near as I can tell it’s an advertisement masquerading as a news article masquerading as a still from Army of Darkness. Either that or Anne Coulter is dating Chris Brown.

Of course I clicked it! I had to know if this woman was okay! It could have been a teaser for Internet snuff. Well, here’s where I landed:

Happy family... or is it?

Nothing out of the ordinary here. Just a single father raising his two daughter’s alone because he had to shoot mommy through the brain pan when she developed a taste for human organs!!

 

4 Comments
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