At the top of this page you will see a glowing gauge

And the heigth of this gauge fills my soul with grim umbrage

‘Tis an ill that no mage

(we call them “doctor” in this age)

Could ever hope or feign assuage, nor could any wizened sage

Heal the hurt in my ribcage!

Only you, happy few, know exactly what to do

Buy a tee of cotton true, for your peers to proudly shew!

For did not so many say:

“Give us CAL-v1N straight away!

“There’s no price we will not pay for that image to display!”

And forsooth, I Yungbluth

Did trust ye all spoke honest trooth

And with folly born of youth didst seek to sweeten for your tooth

My offer, as it were

And so pledged also to confer

On such noble purchaser

as you(or him or her)–

Bright buttons for the wearing! Vinyl stickers for the sharing!

And should this leave you still uncaring, a comic tome of great be-waring!

See the etching that I show

I ask: would you never know

the tale with which it go? Forbidden humor from below?

If my humor be upsetting, still your appetite I’m whetting!

So with all due haste be getting

To My Store!

(Or there will be bloodletting, I assure)