After a summer in which Obama’s “play it cool” response to the Iranian election scandal led many of his detractors to call him soft on democracy (par for the course when you are also labeling someone a commu-fascist-illegal alien, but still…), what would be the last thing the President would want to cement that opinion?

Why presiding over his own mockery of Islamic democracy, of course! Enter the Shah of Afghanistan: Hamid Karzai!

If you recall, this guy was originally brought to power in 2001 by a council called  the “royal jerkoff” or something, where Afghanistan’s headmen, warlords and opium entrepreneurs all got together to pick a leader who was flashy enough for the networks but who would stay the fuck out of the way while they set up armed toll booths across the three unbroken strips of asphalt Afghanistan had left. 

Master puppet: Hamid Karzai

And so it was! Since then of course, we know how swimmingly things have gone in that nation. Anyone who laughed at “Return of the Jedi” when the Ewoks brought down the Empire are now starting to wonder if George Lucas isn’t God’s final prophet. Meanwhile, all the typical corruption and incompetence that traditionally accompanies the foreign leaders we prop up just before our nation is dealt a major humiliation has come to pass. Cronyism, impotence and a brother who our generals liken to Al Capone are the hallmarks of Karzai’s rule (that and his dashing karakul).

Add to that the recent election fraud and the opposition’s unwillingness even to participate in a UN mandated run-off for fear of further bullshit results, and what do we have? South Vietnam, baby! And here comes the troop-swelling to prove it!

The Boy who Cried Vietnam is a tired cliche by now, but Vietnam was more than just tens of thousands of dead Americans and riots in the streets. It was a decade long slog, a losing of faith, an expensive testing of the nation’s patience while politician’s tried to solve a foreign policy Rubik’s cube with only one thumb. We don’t need our soldiers dying by the gross to get that feeling back. An endless struggle in a land we don’t care about while our principles fly out the window like out of control drones will get us to that point just as quickly.

I’m not being pessimistic. It’s just a fact: Karzai’s victory removes even the pretense of democracy (forget Jeffersonian democracy) from Afghanistan. We are the authors of a bogus election as surely as any Ayatollah. You can’t Surge your way out of that defeat.