As the August 30th return of Weapon Brown draws nearer, I find that even I cannot endure his absence much longer. So, I am inviting any artistic Blockheads out there to contribute a cartoon for  a week of Weapon Brown guest strips!

I would like to run 5-7 days worth of guest strips starting Monday, August 23rd, a week prior Chuck’s triumphant return. They can be in any style, but should be self-contained and not related to the ongoing storyline. Just one-off’s taking place in the Weapon Brown universe starring Chuck or any of the other characters. Goofy? Gritty? Your choice!

If you’ve got what it takes, please e-mail me some lo-rez samples of your pre-existent work for me to look at. I will contact those I choose to participate with directions for size, resolution, etc. The unchosen will have the choice to eat shit and/or die.

Those of you who thought that Deep Fried #4 would never arrive, you nattering nabobs of negativism (note to self: beam that one back in time for Spiro Agnew to use) were wrong as usual! Behold my freshly birthed comic, still slick with its mother’s juices, tearing at my roomate’s throat!

Deep Fried is not some weakling bunny rabbit of a comic! Deep Fried is born ready to kill! Remember that when you start receiving them in the mail next week!

—

I’m SO glad that the Gulf oil spill has disappeared from our minds and that the devastation wrecked upon virtually half the continent for a full quarter year has melted away like last Wednesday’s ice cream cone. Now we can concentrate on more important questions, such as if the Tea Party is tinged with racism.

You may have thought this was a settled matter, that the placards of Obama with a bone through his nose, the Manchurian Candidate level of paranoia about Obama’s birth certificate, the ACORN/Pimp hoax and a dozen other self-inflicted paper cuts by this torpid “movement” would have painted a pretty clear picture of a revanchist white electorate on a witch hunt. 

Andrew Breitbart Once shot a puppy just for snoring

But instead we have the Shirley Sherrod matter to befuddle us. You know, it is great being white these days. I love having the spokesmen for my skin color, be they anal warts like Andrew Breitbart or “satirists” such as Mark Williams, trying to wind me up and suggest that the election of Barack Obama means that finally the shoe is on the other foot, and that whites are at last the underclass in this country,  the subject of campaigns of bigotry hatched at the Department of Agriculture since at least the early 80’s.

There is a divide in this country, and it is akin to the one that Shirley Sherrod addressed directly in her speech to the NAACP. It is not the divide between white and black, however.  it is between haves and have nots, and here I’m referring to education.

Those that have even a working man’s education should be able to take something like the Shirley Sherrod video (hacked up or not) and immediately place her sentiments,– as well as the nature of the people she is delivering them to and the organization at whose conference she is appearing–  into their historical context, then contrast it with the motivations of a political hitman like Breitbart, and detect the manufactured controversy. People like that are not vulnerable to such naked race-baiting.

Then there is Breitbart’s intended audience (or Beck’s, or Limbaugh’s), people who can be easily  smothered by incoherent rhetoric until they come away with a head full of intellectual waste, asking only the question he wants them to ask : “How come they can call themselves niggers but I can’t?”

It is a mind fuck worthy of Inception, and I am tired of people pretending that it is not calculated, that it is not a deliberate effort by the right wing to try and spin racism into November gold. Whether or not it works, it is further evidence that conservatism is (to quote Steely Dan) skating backwards at the speed of light. Republicans are half the political class in this country. Whether or not this strategy works for them, eventually it hurts us all.

I guess what I’m saying is, does anyone have a bus they could drive over Andrew Breitbart’s crotch a few times while the Harlem Globetrotters jizz on his wife’s screaming face? Because that’s a video I would like to debut on my site.

A friend of mine in sunny Las Vegas spied this fellow at a bus stop wearing what appears to be an unlicensed Roadkill T-shirt. Part of me is flattered, while another part of me wants to track this man down and choke him until his eyeballs fill with blood. The possibility that it is not a Roadkill shirt has still not occurred to me.

Of course, who needs profits from illicit merchandise when one has a successful artwork sale to rely upon? I have been pleasantly shocked at the number of people who have gobbled up my original Weapon Brown pages, but there are still so many good ones to choose from! Remember: all proceeds go to publishing the Weapon Brown graphic novel. However, if you want to pretend that I will donate some of the money to starving Haitians or to out of work Gulf shrimpers, hey, whatever opens your wallet!

I am keeping busy during my working hiatus. In case you doubt it, here is a teaser image from the upcoming storyline to rub one out to:

Mmm! Makes me think of Italian food for some reason. Well, back to work!*

*(You, not me. I’ma watch me some Netflix)

Maybe I’ll do this up as a proper cartoon sometime. In the meanwhile, here is a sketchbook tribute to Cleveland’s own superhero.

“And So, Weapon Brown didst wander out from the Web Page into the Shattered Lands, there to renew his hatred and return with black anger for all, so spake the Prophet”.

-The Book of Othmar, Surah 9 :15

With The Last Airbender being universally panned, I can now safely declare myself to be the new M. Knight Shyamalan, and thus the anointed master of suspense and unexpected twists. With this mantle upon me I thus declare that those who wait patiently for the return of the Chosen Blockhead will not be disappointed. August 30th is hardly farther from today than one hummingbird’s heartbeat from the next, and He who is patient and returns often to this web place will be rewarded fivefold on earth and one thousandfold in heaven for His faith.

Because you loyal readers have been so good to me, I have, as promised, prepared F-rations for you all to enjoy while Weapon Brown wanders the wilderness. The first is the arrival, at last of Deep Fried #4! I will soon have the individual issue ready for ordering, but in the meantime I have bundled it with the other Weapon Brown comics as the Fallout Pack. The collectible Fan Appreciation issue of DF4 has a new Weapon Brown short titled “It’s the Great Pumpkin Weapon Brown”, a prequel to the original story arc that shows Linus’ first attempt to raise the Great Pumpkin. Oooo! Don’t bother calling yourself a true fan if you don’t own this one! And it will only be available until August 30th, so do or do not. There is no try.

Nextly is the art sale you see at the top of the page. I am liquidating the majority of my original Weapon Brown pages to raise money for still more Weapon Brown goodness. The pages are dirt cheap, and if you think holding a comic in your hands is cool, wait until you are physically in contact with the very lines of Weapon Brown. I’m telling you, you won’t need to sniff glue again!

But of course, you are here for pictures, not mere words. And so this Friday return for the first of many weekly installments of my new feature Coffee Break, a darling little strip with clever jokelettes that will make the wait for Weapon Brown more than endurable.

Naturally, whenever something in the news pisses me off I will blog about it as if time was an endless sea of potential instead of a flame devouring all our lives, second by irreplaceable second. Should be fun!

The handsome website Newsarama has posted an interview with me that, if you were truly loyal, you’d have seen by now. Read it or you don’t love me!!

…

HUGS FOR KRUGS

So Paul Krugman is calling it a depression, not a recession. I have been saying this for a while now. I think the giveaway was when they gave the recession a name–  the “Great Recession”. Who the hell names a recession? It’s like naming a thunderstorm! “They may be having trouble with Hurricane Igor down in Cuba, but Thunderstorm Dabney is set to drop up to half an inch of rain on today’s Dingus Day parade. Today, we are all Cubans.”

Recessions don’t get names! And you would only call something a “Great Recession” if you were trying to water down the real meaning of the word “great”. Usually greatness bumps what it is modifying into a new category. Calling the depression the Great Recession was a ham-fisted way of trying to keep it earthbound. You can just see the fingerprints of the Wall Street fucks who gave us this calamity all over that name; a little preemptive branding before the culture could come up with an accurate descriptor. Kind of like calling the Gulf Oil Spill  ”Obama’s Katrina” instead of “BP’s Chernobyl.” For that matter, why aren’t we calling it that? “Gulf Oil Spill”? That’s a little tame at this point I should think. Any better suggestions?

…

Darnit.

I received an e-mail today with the subject “Two Cocks in One Ass”. The sender, apparently, was me, since the reply address was “office@whatisdeepfried.com”.

I mention this only because I actually considered visiting the site. This is the kind of e-mail I would send to myself, afterall. In fact, I was kind of disappointed that I hadn’t done this for me.

So, the long awaited reveal of Garfield’s ass as the source of the shmoo has arrived. Like Christmas wrapped up in a birthday and tied up with a summer vacation bow! Where can I take Weapon Brown from here?

Well, we’ve all seen that I am the undisputed modern master of suspense, right? The answer should be obvious!

(This is my cruel, peel-the-Band-Aid-off-slowly way of telling you that …it is time for me to take a goddamn break!)

Now, wait…I know that about five hundred of you have already deleted this site from you bookmarks. Please stop panicking! It’s going to be alright, I tell you!!

Weapon Brown’s story is just on the cusp of getting super awesome, what with CAL-v.1N on his way and a really hot nocturnal encounter between Chuck and Anne virtually guaranteed. However, this strip has grown from a little 50-page aside to an epic that Peter Jackson couldn’t film if he had twelve lifetimes. In the meanwhile, several projects I had hoped to be in the middle of at this point have been cooling their heels in the Green Room, waiting for their time on stage.

And there’s a bunch of Weapon Brown-related things I’d like to be doing that Weapon Brown is interrupting! Things like getting this project in front of publishers, preparing the next issue of the comic book for consumption by you Blockheads, and banking a few week’s worth of strips. Clearly a hiatus is required.

So, the “Prestige” storyline will wrap next week (or possibly the week after if I decide to stretch), and then Weapon Brown will go to sleep until Monday, August 30th.

But will you be left high and dry? Hells no! Not only will I produce more frequent blogginz, but I will also be premiering a new comic feature called Coffee Break that will update on Fridays. I hope you will enjoy it, and accept it for the methadone it is meant as until Chuck returns.

Furthermore, next week I will officially be premiering the loooonnnnnng overdue Deep Fried #4! This issue will feature a new, never before seen Weapon Brown short called “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Weapon Brown”, created with you long-time fans in mind. I will also be launching the sale of an enormous quantity of Weapon Brown pages, available at extremely reasonable prices, for die hard fans who want to help me build my piggy bank for the next round of Weapon Brown products.

Lastly, I plan to keep you up to date on the projects I will be beginning during this hiatus, including sketchbook art and more. After all, you guys want a reason to stay attached to me like lampreys once Weapon Brown finally wraps, right?

So, I hope this does not disappoint too many fans, and please believe me that this is only a vacation. When Chuck returns, you will (in the words of another famous Mr. Brown) see some serious shit.

Please also take this time to join my mailing list! You will be alerted the moment Chuck returns, and as the recent Easter Egg hunt proved, being on the list gets you goodies you will wish you’d gotten later!

Neace out, Piggers!

Lots of new orders this week! Thanks noobs! You make a brother feel loved.

By the way, Deep Fried v.2 #4 has not fallen into a black hole. In fact, I just finished coloring the back cover. So, despite dishing out so many excuses for its delay that British Petroleum is thinking of hiring me as a press agent, Deep Fried #4, complete with the awesome fans-only Great Pumpkin story, will soon be ready for you!

So, if you are a Beepo, Roadkill, Clarissa, Ghastly Cash, Slamwich or (yes) even a Weapon Brown fan, send me an e-mail containing your fan comments and it may be printed in the new issue! Make your subject line “And the Horse You Rode In On” so I don’t confuse it for a penis pill ad.

The above header is how I feel after having had my praises sung in the video of a panel that took place at the just completed Heroes-Con. The boost to my ego comes courtesy of writer Chris Sims of Comics Alliance, who has reached the level of Operating Blockhead VIII!

Hello to all you new Debbie Downers who have only just discovered Clarissa from her sudden fame courtesy of Digg and Reddit and the nice person who posted Stuffed Friend without my permission.

There is another Clarissa story for you to enjoy here, and plenty more in The Great Taste of Deep Fried and Deep Fried vol. 2 #1, both available in my store.

Clarissa seems to be inspiring her share of fans on Deviant Art, too! Lookit this and this. Wow… why do people have such a dark opinion of my cute little waif? I’ve always imagined her as having a lot of cross-over appeal to fans of cartoons like Doug and Hey Arnold!

. 

.