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I am returned from my triumphant appearance at Wizard World Philly. I sold lots of books (even sold out of a few items, which is always nice), and also appeared on a panel on the topic of controversial cartoons which is burning up the forums. My next show is Wizard World Chicago. I hope you can all be there! And when I say “I hope you can all be there”, I don’t mean maybe a few of you who live near by. Everyone fucking show up this time. I’m serious.
My evil cronies, the Ghostbuster Nightsquad, have just posted a video on their website that they shot at the Pittsburgh show. And in it they just bust out the kneepads and blow my ego like it was a soldier on leave. God bless you, my flunkies. You all get an extra crust of bread for dinner this week.
It is always a pleasure to see the flowers fertilized by George Bush’s bullshit blossom in the same news cycle in which he planted them. This time it is his real feelings towards our soldiers, aka “Greatest Generation 2.0”.
In case any of you have missed it, the prez loves comparing our Army of Boots to the soldiers in World War II (our soldiers, that is). Here’s Brainiac at the Air Force Academy graduation ceremony June 2nd, 2004:
“Like the Second World War, our present conflict began with a ruthless, surprise attack on the United States. We will not forget that treachery, and we will accept nothing less than victory over the enemy.”
Here he is again in 2005, speaking on the 60th anniversary of VJ Day:
” As we mark this anniversary, we are again a nation at war. Once again, war came to our shores with a surprise attack that killed thousands in cold blood. Once again, we face determined enemies who follow a ruthless ideology that despises everything America stands for (…) Captain Stone is a Marine officer now serving in Iraq. He knows that he and his generation are doing the same vital work in this war on terror that his grandparents did in World War II.”
And of course, today’s commencement address at the Air Force Academy:
“Germany and Japan, once mortal enemies, are now allies of the United States and people across the world have reaped the benefits from that alliance. Today we must do the same in Afghanistan and Iraq.”
(in case it wasn’t clear that Bush sees Iraq as equivalent to WWII, he mentioned Germany and Japan roughly once every 40 seconds)
But wait! What about actually treating them like those Private Ryans we love so much? Not if it means a GI Bill that gives them the same bennies as a World War II vet. Bush has promised to veto the new GI Bill which offers college tuition benefits on par with those offered veterans in 1944, and he has a damn good reason: THIS AIN’T WORLD WAR II, SON!
Here’s the quacking point being disseminated by Fox:
“After all this is different. People point to, “Well, look what they did after World War II.†Well, after World War II, people were conscripted… Now people are saying “I want to be a military person. I am signing on in a volunteer force.â€
In other words, stop-loss is a volunteer draft, so fuck you soldja boy!!
Will somebody please put a pretzel in this guy’s head?
The talented Will Elder, a first-generation artist for MAD magazine, EC comics, Playboy and others, passed away recently.
His outrageous talent, parody skills and tendency for adding “eye pops” (little background gags) have had a major impact on cartooning and comic satire,  including the work of yours truly. Gary Groth of the Comics Journal did an interview with Elder in 2003. It’s a great read, and loaded with his hilarious art (also, his “Goodman Goes Playboy” strip is a lawsuit-baiting forerunner to Weapon Brown. Check it out!)
Coupla jazzy links for you. First off, Mike Sonovic (aka 3D Beepo, official living mascot of this website) has sent me a link to  a video of April’s Pittsburgh Comicon costume contest, where his Beepo contest earned him honorable mention for best nose or something. You can skip all the cutsey kid crap at the beginning. The real action starts at 27:47 (and it’s all right Mike, no one knows who the hell I am either).
(Might I just reiterate how disturbing it is to see my fantasy turned into flesh and blood reality? Fear for what might crawl out of my brain into existence next, people!)
Also, the good folks at the N3RDCast have pimped Weapon Brown but good! Or atleast, they claim as much. I just listened and the MP3 terminates halfway through their podcast. I am sure they will have it fixed by the time you click this link, however.
Finally,  a clever bit of Photoshop phandom I performed for Paul Southworth’s superlative comic strip Ugly Hill delighted him so much he put it on his homepage. Go here and scroll down to the bottom to see my oh-so-clever “Eye Am for Osgood” graphic.
In order to travel to the far away comic cons I must reach to sell Deep Fried and Weapon Brown to the non-believers, I need to raise a little additional cabbage to afford the plane fare and table costs. The next show I need (not want, NEED) to be at is North Carolina’s Heroes Con in June. Right now I have about half the money I need to get there. You can help make the difference and help pave the way for the Weapon Brown graphic novel that is my big 2008 project!
If you are a true Deep Fried fan, please take advantage of one or more of the following promotional offers and help me raise the $300.00 I need to make it to my next show.
ART FOR SALE
I have just added many new pages of artwork to my gallery on ComicArtFans.com. All of them are for sale at very reasonable prices (listed), and I provide price breaks for purchases of three or more pieces. Just look over the selections and e-mail me with your request.
All the artwork for sale has been published in Deep Fried, Weapon Brown or in the papers that have carried me in the past. And if there is a piece there you don’t see, you can always inquire about it. Most everything I have drawn in the past is for sale.
6 PACK O’ PRINTS
Like sexy wimmen? Peruse the fine selection of digital prints in my store! I am bundling all 6 of the 11 x 14 prints–Harlequin Romance, Purrfect Crime, Coy Cat, Dirty Blonde, Bottoms Up and Tango de la Muerte–and offering the lot for only $40.00 (plus shipping). As an added incentive, you may request that any three of them be remarqued (that is, a little custom drawing added on the front). Just e-mail me after you have place your order and tell me which ones you want remarqued, and how.
6 Pack
STRAWBERRY SHORTSTACK BUNDLE
Though I am sold out of my original first issue of Deep Fried, volume 1, I still have copies left of volume 1 issues 2, 3 and 4, as well as Deep Fried: We’re #1!, my 48 page special. I am offering all four of these as a signed set for $15.00 (includes shipping), and each set will come with a one-of-a-kind sketch on the backing board of one of the Strawberry Shortstack characters that Beepo is so fond of.
I am limiting this rare and slightly perverse offer to only 20 units, with the artwork signed and numbered as well. Perfect for you hardcore fans!
Strawberry Shortstack Bundle
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This year’s Pittsburgh Comicon was a barrel of AIDS monkeys that, predictably, led to a few minor scuffles with the local cosplayers. I’ll let the pictures do the talking.
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| Nice setup, huh? I owned that friggin’ hall, I tells ya! |
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| Would you buy comics from this man? |
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| It didn’t take too long for the trouble to start. I don’t know what it is about me that irratates these people. All I did was ask this guy if he’s one of those gay construction workers you hear about. And if not, why did I see him sucking a foreman’s jackhammer behind the concession stand? |
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| Some sort of Charlie Brown ghost? No, it’s Kevin from Sin City! Or a long lost Winter brother. |
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| My loyal fans from the Ghost Buster’s Nightsquad were back again. See that big one on the left? He kills at my command, and asks only for a single animal cracker as payment. Still, I’m sure there’s a Mexican illegal who could make me a better offer. (On the other hand, what southron would ever pimp me video-style the way lesser-giant Bo Holbrook has?) |
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| Mike Sonovic, aka 3-D Beepo, also returned this year after a tour of America’s finest rehabs, and actually won first place (or no place, I forget which) in the con’s costume contest. Note the balloons from the “Funny Business” storyline. Nice touch! Still, why is Mike the only guy who has ever dressed up as one of my character’s, huh??? Surely I’m not that unpopular! Surely not… |
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| “Stop….defending….Raimi! Spider-Man 3… sucked it!!!” |
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| The Schulz estate finally took notice of Weapon Brown and sent their lawyer to discuss the matter with me. |
I look forward to returning to Pittsburgh next year when my wounds have healed and I’ve stopped peeing blood.
Take a look at these pictures I took near my home, in the parking lot of a defunct Hollywood Video. Inspiring, huh?
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Just look at all that triumphant asphalt, squeezing the life out of those plants! Who knows how many of those green fuckers there were at the beginning, but now only two remain! Eventually even they will be gone, leaving a pristeen, uninterrupted carpet of black!
Go home, nature. War just isn’t your game. Â
Deep Fried is back on the attack! Thank you all for your patience as I took the last month off to get my various flavors of shit together. Behold what it has earned you! I brand new website color scheme, I nifty new feature, more frequent updates and a brand new copy of the Deep Fried comic book! Hooray for me! Let the hills ring with the news of my wonderfulness!
As you should all know by now, I have been planning to debut a new Weapon Brown saga for a while. I had part of it completed last year and I began shopping it around to publishers at the 2007 San Diego Comicon. Well, no one has taken the bait yet, but I am undeterred!
So, while I continue to play society’s games, I have decided to make Weapon Brown a regular part of the Deep Fried experience. I will now be updating the site three times a week, and there will now be two features for your enjoyment: the trusty Deep Fried strip, and Weapon Brown.
At present, I am resisting assigning certain days to certain strips, since sometimes it will be advantageous to have more of one feature than another in any given week. But for the moment, they will tend to switch off every other day, and I will be continuing my format of making each page part of a larger story instead of a one-off, although I will still do stand alone strips once in a while.
But even better: with all the material I have been squeezing out, I finally have been able to construct a brand new issue of Deep Fried for your purchasing pleasure, and things look good for a fourth issue in a couple of months. Deep Fried volume 2 #3 features the first 14 page chapter of the Weapon Brown story that I have just begun on the website (see? there it is , right above you), as well as the recently completed “Funny Business” storyline, and some individual strips as well. My plan is to debut a new issue for purchase just as the material it contains is ready to be put on the site. This way, you can get the stories all at once, or enjoy them on the website in weekly installments (although why would you want to read them for free when you could be helping me buy health insurance and shaving cream?).
These new issues of Deep Fried will only be available through this site or at my convention appearances. My plan is ultimately to collect Weapon Brown and Deep Fried into separate graphic novels and start selling them through shops beginning next year. Shrewd, huh?
But don’t torture yourself by waiting that long! Grab them up as they become available, starting today! I am also selling two sizzling new prints this week! You can see what those are all about by visiting my products page. Don’t be shy! I really need that shaving cream!
There are two sure fire ways to experience the sensation of living in the Matrix: pop a fistful of Marinols and watch Groundhog Day with the sound off and Stairway to Heaven playing backwards on your stereo, or visit Apple Movie Trailers.com.
At least, that’s the sensation I get when I see so many cloned movies masquerading under different titles. Observe this week’s selections:
| Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden | Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull | |
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Morgan Spurlock: the man who proved that if you eat nothing but McDonald’s people will pay ten bucks to watch you throw it up, is now going to prove that our government is hiding an incredible secret. Indiana Jones: the man who will prove the government is hiding an incredible secret and then appear in McDonald’s ads until you throw up. COINCIDENCE???
| The Hammer | The Grand | |
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Two ads for what appears to be Cheerios: the Motion Picture? The machines have definitely tipped their hand this time!
| Sex and the City | Wanted | The Incredible Hulk | ||
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Centered text against a black background might be seen as merely lazy. But each of these posters boasts a fade effect as a substitute for artwork. That’s two levels of laziness, which points to one overworked NSA agent who can no longer conceal the LIE!! Either that or these posters are part of the Mandelbrot Set.
I will continue to explore the mystery behind these Shyamalanian messages from the stars, but you should continue about your day as if the rational world were not a gossamer curtain that could fall away at any moment.
 Eva Hopkins, my frequent girlfriend, has finally seen the seed of her darkest dream blossom into a black rose called…Dark Ivory!Â
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Dark Ivory is Eva’s new comic, created in collaboration with the rather talented Joe Linsner, and stars a sexy teen vampire who has just earned her wings. It’s “My So Called Life” meets “Harry Potter if Harry were a girl and drank blood”. It’s in comic shops now and if you don’t pick up a copy then you must be a vampire, because you would definitely suck.  Â
 I have been getting mad penis spam lately. It’s just one “Subj: Help your little friend” after another this past week. I mean, I know a daily dose of this shit is now a staple of the American breakfast, like toast and coffee, but I haven’t been this bombarded for a while. I’m starting to question my wang a little too, like maybe Tiny Elvis isn’t good enough for spreading my frosting onto all the female layer cakes out there.
I might have to buy some of their product after the president of Nigeria finishes that money transfer he’s been promising.
Flipping through a comic book recently I, a full grown adult enjoying children’s literature, was nonetheless galled to come across this boastful endorsement contained within a video game advertisement:Â
The ad included these screen shots from the game:
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The fact that this “mature” war game features a cousin of Ash Ketchum facing down a tripple-turreted goof tank made me wonder what the makers of Advance Wars consider “maturity” to be. A visit to their website, however, confirms that their game does indeed take a stern, adult look at the grisly realities of war, as reflected in the following screen captures.
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Remember those 80s-era ads of marathon runners, astronauts, Green Berets, etc. getting the winning edge from a Snickers bar? Here’s the next generation of clinically unsubstantiated miracle candy:
From the website: “Get charged, stay energized. It’s the peanuts, nougat, caramel and chocolate you love with an added kick to help get you through the day.” (the “added kick” happens to be the active ingredient in ox bile.)
A Snickers crossed with a Red Bull, then. Moloko Plus can’t be far off now. Of course, this isn’t the first experiment in candy “supplements” that has ever been attempted. Snickers Charged isn’t likely to fair better than other recent attempts, either:
Fanboy Face-Off, the comic podcast for people who like robust podcasts but without all the caffeine, has just reviewed Deep Fried. Their compliments reflect perfectly the roller coaster ride that is the Deep Fried experience!
“Not something I would directly seek out.”
“‘Aww cool’ and awesome at the same time!”
“This is OK.”
“Hilarious!”
“Ehh.”
Deep Fried: the coin toss of comic books! Hear their review.
Dark horse day-dreamer Dennis Kucinich has ended his second bid for the presidency and is now repairing to Ohio to raise dough to fight off a primary challenge for his congressional seat.
It should be remembered of Dennis that, his desirability as President aside, he was the only true liberal running for the job. He is the only Democrat who has called the Iraq War bullshit from bomb one, a man who fulfilled the country’s collective birthday cake wish when he initiated an impeachment effort against Dick Cheney, and one of the few people in Congress to vote consistently and unapologetically against every new infringement on civil liberties that the White House has cooked up and that the Democratic party has bent over to take.
Because he actually stands for something it was not surprising that Kucinich was instantly relegated to the leprous “third tier” of candidates, where dwell the Tancredos, Gravells and Hunters. Candidates like these do not put a twinkle in the eyes of Wolf Blitzer or Tim Russert because they don’t “fit the mold” of what the Fourth Estate expects from a president, namely their ability to compete for the public’s attention with the other topics that pass for news these days, like Paris Hilton’s traffic violations and Britney Spears’ gash. If you don’t have the cache of being a Mormon demi-billionaire, a former first lady, a Tiger Woods or a walking glob of New York sleaze, you may as well not show up at the debates. And if you try to, well, eventually the doors must be locked for the good of the nation.
Kucinich might not have been your man for the job, but the manner in which his campaign was torpedoed from the outset by the likes of NBC, whose parent company General Electric could not have more of a stake in quashing the ambitions of someone who believes in such notions as a Department of Peace, should give everyone pause.
My boy and America’s sweetheart Matt Taibbi was on the Colbert Report the other night discussing the primaries. Matt’s the smartest voice in campaign coverage, and one of the funniest. View him with eyeballs!!I have also posted a thoughtful essay in my Touch of Ego section about a novel counter-propaganda campaign that anyone can participate in to help destroy the Bush legacy. Decontaminate your brain and read it!
Hasbro has begun running a series of meta-ironic magazine ads for their classic G.I. Joe masculine indoctrination toys from the 80s. Yes, they have finally caught on to what that snickering over “knowing is half the battle” was all about. (Click the pictures for full size)
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Retro-hip kind of loses its fizz when the product being mocked tries to get in on the joke. It’s like your Dad asking if you’ve been “YouTubing on the Internets” in your grandfather’s voice. Nevertheless, I am not ready to surrender one more icon of my youth to the ash heap of recuperation. What’s needed is deeper, more self-conscious irony, something that says “So what if I choose to give the last fuck? Fuck-giving is the foam on life’s latte, you pro-corporate poseur-hag.”
Call it “full circle jerk”, a new cynicism that is already an homage to itself, like Joan Crawford using a wire hangar to beat a Cabbage Patch Kid wearing a Rachel’s Vineyard T-shirt. Here is my contribution to the G.I Joe campaign. Feel free to send me your own Photoshopped indifference.
Deep Fried fan par excellence Elka Bong has done the next best thing to purchasing all of my back stock: She has ruined her flesh in my name!
Thank’s to Elka’s alcoholism and poor choice in friends, Beepo will be juggling kittens on her shin forever!
My only hope is that someday Elka falls over dead in an Irish peat bog so that her mummified corpse can be put on display thousands of years in the future, where the cerebro sapiens will undoubtedly conclude that Beepo was either Elka’s slave brand or her deity.