The title of this feature was inspired by a particularly galling episode of Politically Incorrect I watched once, where host Bill Maher, speaking of the Internet, sneered "It's all about ego, isn't it?" This from a man with a network opinion program featuring his name in the title, and whose guests that evening all also shared the same distinction.

So whenever I am feeling particularly haughty or longwinded, this is where my bilge will spill over.

Today I take aim, as I have done in the past, at political cartoonists, something I feel particular self-important about.

I was poking around Instapundit the other day and I came across a reference to a webtoon that is delighting the pants off conservatives called Day by Day. It's relatively new but it is developing a following among Republicans who are ever on the lookout for a 4-panel strip that they can regale as the "Conservative Doonesbury."

The Conservative Doonsebury is a coveted mythological vessel so legendary that Indiana Jones will be searching for it in his next feature. It contains within it the secret hope of conservatives that one shall rise among them who at last has a sense of humor, and thus will slay the liberal beast represented by Gary Trudeau, and in a lesser sense, the guy who does Mutts.

Like the Messiah, there have been many pretenders to this throne. The current regent is Bruce Tinsley and his god-awful Mallard Fillmore. I feel this strip is probably considered to be more of an embarassment to conservatives than a contender for the political humor belt. The gags are lame and the punchline is usually telegraphed from the first word balloon. However, as testament to the sad state of newspaper strips, it runs in quite a few papers. Ready for a typical gasser? Behold:

Oh. Snap. He DID NOT just imply that Clinton is a truth-fudger did he?? How the hell does Tinsley get away with this week after week??

Tune in everyday for the same joke.

You can see why right-wingers might want to kick this one back down to the farm team. Unfortunately, the new kid on the pitcher's mound hasn't exactly brought the heat.

Day by Day, by cartoonist Chris Muir, features a four person office place cast who comment on politics and social foibles. The relationship gags aren't too awful, but his handling of the hot topics won't have you reaching for your oven mits.

Yep, Hillary is sure smarting from that one.

Occasionally a good gag gets through, but most of the strips are in the above cartoon's league. Forget Senate politics, though. Race issues are where Day by Day really shines!

A recurring theme is the strip's 20-ish liberal white chick trying to connect with the self-made black software engineer (here she is trying to introduce him to a breeding partner.) Now, I am well aware of the existence of a black middle class. Most people are. Chris Muir, with his black conservative character, seems to be the last white man to discover this (a note on the the "black conservative": it is a favorite jaw-dropper righties like to include for their expectedly all-white audience. Mallard Fillmore has one too, just as the liberal Boondocks, a newspaper strip that has shitty art in common with Day by Day, also features a clueless white girl with jungle fever). However, why does the artist presume that BLACKS have never heard of black conservatives?

Moreover, where's the frikkin' joke??

I don't think Doonsebury should step down from the bench just yet. In the meantime, I have decided to show any budding Neo-Con toonsters in my audience just what is needed to make a strip like Day by Day funny. By ammending the jokes with a bit of what I like to call "irony," you not only get to enjoy a chuckle at breakfast before heading off to the steel mill, but you may even gain a new perspective on the world around you!

Sadly, since nothing Republicans say is funny, the following improved strips have been converted to liberal format in order for the comedy to take hold. Remember: the first version is the original, the second is what it would have been like if it had been handled by someone whose ears weren't full of Bill O'Reilly's horseshit.