WELCOME to Photoshop Phmonday! A barely recognizable rip off of another site's funny feature. Today, enjoy the entries in my "Mallard Lays an Egg " contest.

Our story begins a few weeks ago when Mallard Fillmore, Bruce Tinsley's humor-hating bowel movement of a newspaper strip, finally threw in the towel and conceded that anyone with an opposable thumb could write Mallard better than its own cartoonist. Below is the concession strip.



Knowing that the readers of Deep Fried are, by virtue of being viviparous bipeds, inherently funnier at any given moment than Bruce Tinsley is on the funniest day in Laughtember, I laid out a challenge to my thralls and asked them to submit their own punchlines and show Tinsley how it's done. Here are their Pulitzer worthy submissions.

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Gil Merrit still thinks 9/11 was planned by trade unionists


Miguel Estrugo comes with all-you-can-eat bread sticks at Olive Garden


Gabriel Gentile wandered for forty years in the desert before he realized he was at the wrong family reunion


Dan Variano would like you to know that the Don is not pleased that you missed his nephew's christening


Forest Huggins longs to tell Tinsley what he really thinks, but doesn't handle rejection well


Richard Thomas is a fine, upstanding name for a trained gibbon


Thomas Fortenberry has little pink marshmallows stuck in his mustache


Mary Jane swears she never offered to kill Tom Petty's pain


Mary Jane is also the winner of the free issue of Deep Fried that was this contest's prize. I was charmed by her down-to-earth bigotry against a state that should long ago have been excommunicated from our union. Thanks to all the entrants, and keep reaching for the stars in your eyes!