Dear Atlas,on January 22, 2012 at 12:56 am
Posted In: Blogginz
Fucking SHRUG already. The suspense is killing us. We, the Ninety Nine Percent of all American citizens, who are now in OPEN REVOLT against what is no longer a democratic government answerable to the People, have been waiting for the so-called Productive Citizens, alleged Producers, much ballyhooed Wealth Creators and all around Engines of America to keep their word to pull up stakes and abandon ship like some captain off a luxury liner that he just ran ashore onto some oil-stained beach. Isn’t that the dream of Ayn Rand, The Martin Luther King of Selfishness? That those Americans who have triumphed, who have stradled Industry like Collosus, will find the lower classes no longer in awe of them, and will evacuate the world to live lives of splendor in some mountain fortress, or more likely some fucking Caribbean island within a jet ski’s ride of the Caymans? Book your tickets. We’ve seen how you greeted the end of the Cold War, your smug, head-shaking disappointment that the triumph of capitalism also meant surrendering to the aeon of the One World Sweatshop, where dignity means working in a tarpaper shack in Indonesia for pennies an hour so we can have rubber pigs to squeeze while we wait for our YouTube to load. And soon the Cult of Rand will release an ass-humping documentary to honor their founder’s vision, and to toast the production of the immaculately panned big-screen adaptation of Atlas Shrugged, a work based on The Shittiest Novel Ever Written. A tale of how the most beneficent Americans, her industrial titans, find they have fallen from favor in the eyes of the common squeezemop. They then flee and hide behind a holographic forcefield (Jesus wept) as the world that would not kiss their all-white asses collapses under the unsucked fat of its own indolence. (“Impossible! ” you cry. “Surely the Industrialists had made every effort to keep the middle class healthy, excercised great sobriety in their adventures in high finance, and held to an ethos of not intruding in the People’s government?” Yes, but such was the Dystopia they found themselves in.) The documentary is Ayn Rand and the Prophecy of Atlas Shrugged, a title worthy of J.K. Rowling. (Coincidentally, Rowling DID achieve excellence in the field of novels and became richer than the Queen, and yet somehow she doesn’t make us want to cut her throat for it.) It is the latest call for American’s to worship the gilded hem of the robes of Those who think they were carved from God’s own foreskin: The One Percent, they who would threaten to Shrug. So Shrug. Swing those shoulder blades up, up, UP! Go hide in the land of Star Trek like you promised. Because the Moochers, the Looters, the Users, the Takers, the Unproductive Citizens–The Ninety-Nine Percent of us who aren’t raking in the green in Everest-sized heaps, the ones who didn’t become a Rowling–that’s exactly what we’re asking you to do. Take a hike. We’ve heard enough about the rich and their sacred juices, about a paradise where Americans are entitled to all that the Corporations leave for us before they head for the stars, which judging by the size of their stomachs will be a few crystals of sodium. Wait! I think I hear Wealth’s patent-pending response! “You own a cell phone /iPod /iPad/ Kindle/ wristwatch, so what the hell are you so angry about?” Yes, thank you for selling us our toys. And how exactly does that entitle you to use copious fraud and racketeering to nosedive the economy into a mountainside, then mushroom the public debt to pay for the catastrophe while you keep pulling down salaries the size of Powerball payouts? By all means, strike. I mean, you aren’t still pretending that we haven’t seen behind the curtain, are you Oz old buddy? The Wizard of Oz? Why, that’s another book with a message about the Great and Powerful. I’m surprised you haven’t read it.