New Year’s Revolutionson January 10, 2012 at 3:41 pm
Like all men I do my best thinking on the can. This is why our desert enemies will never defeat us. Although they have a blood lust that is nearly Klingon in its intensity and bear us an inexhaustible grudge that comes from living all year round in an oven, nevertheless they squat over holes to take their dumps. Science has shown that unclenching the sphincter loosens the brain as well, but only with the proper buttock support. This is why the symbol of Western intellectual superiority is Rodin’s The Thinker; a man lost in thought while pinching a loaf. Al Qaeda will never understand this.
(Wait… are we still at war with al Qaeda? I know we are still spending billions every nanosecond on some fucking conflict… but where? Osama is dead, Saddam is dead, Qad… Khad… Ghadaffaqi is dead, we’ve yanked our boys from Iraq, we’ve all but signed our surrender with the Taliban… where the hell is the money going? But I digress…)
So, this is a roundabout way of saying that I am typing this from the comfort of my loo. And since I don’t have a fancy iNook, I have had to drag my desktop computer in here with me. Not comfortable, but I couldn’t brainstorm my ambitions for the coming year any other way.
So, 2012. There’s a lot to do before the Mayans return in their flying saucers and bestow free will on the Internet, but what will it mean for you, the consumer of Deep Fried/Weapon Brown products? Great things are coming, new beginnings, new endings, and so much to buy that you will beg your manager for extra graveyard shifts at the Wendy’s drive-thru just to purchase them! Here is what is on the agenda:
Chuck’s brain-shattering epic will wrap this year, paving the way for the long promised graphic novel that will be stuffed to bursting with extra goodness. The arrival of the GN will be presaged by a pre-order sale which will include some awesomely neato prizes for a few lucky customers. You can shove your Dark Knight Rises up Promethus’s poo maker, because the epic conclusion to Weapon Brown: Blockhead’s War will be the event of the season.
Before that bomb drops, however, there are still some comic books you will need to stock your fallout shelters with. Coming darn soon is a pre-order sale for issues #5 and #6 of Blockhead’s War, complete with some cool incentives. Also, you wanted it, now fuckin’ shell out for it: a crunchy Pops T-shirt will soon be on sale as well.
The end of Weapon Brown will by no means be the end of Whatisdeepfried.com’s bad ass entertainment. Long promised and now streaking towards earth is the extinction-level event that is the return of Deep Fried! Beepo, Roadkill, Squints and yes, Clarissa will all return in 2012 with new stories on this, your favorite website, that will make you laugh, cry and quickly click over to Amazon when you hear your co-workers approaching. Beepo will go looking for love in all the wrong places, Squints will go looking for work in all the wrong places, and Roadkill… oh God. Let’s just say that Roadkill has been letting a lot of things build up, and now someone has to pay the price.
2012 will also see the arrival of Weapons Grade Deep Fried, the bound edition of volume 2 of Deep Fried, which will contain new, unpublished material, including the way overdue Clarissa story Take Me to Work Day.
Who are…The Garbagemen?
For those of you who dig the action of Weapon Brown and are sad to see it depart, you can stop hoarding sleeping pills and razorblades. I’ve been cooking up my next unconventional adventure for some time now, and Weapon Brown fans who enjoy my mix of comedy, violence and irreverence will soon have something new to shoot in their veins.
The Garbagemen is an absurdist superhero thriller that will do for the world of comic books what Weapon Brown has done for comic strips. Set against the backdrop of Garbage Day, a 9/11-style tragedy, the Garbagemen are a team of exaggerated 90s-era superheroes looking to reclaim their honor after failing to prevent the world’s most absurd terrorist attack. However, their new job as the government’s professional patsies soon leads them into a spiral of retcons and reboots that threatens to tear the world to shreds, unless someone can make sense of it all!
The Garbagemen is a work in progress, so I can’t give a hard date on its debut. But if you love Chuck, you will want to let your anticipation build for this, my next experiment in cockamamie satire.
What else can I squeeze into one year? Another Easter Egg hunt if you are good, and I think I’ve teased you with the promise of my nifty Weapon Brown animated trailer long enough. Also, if the Republicans choose the wrong candidate, I can’t promise I won’t run for president. We’ll see.
(I wonder if I can do all this and still sleep in until noon every day? Fukkit. I can do anything I want. I’m a cartoonist!)