July 28th, 2011
Now that we are down to the last 15 minutes of the debt ceiling debate, I am going to spoil the ending of this schtick-filled Washington blockbuster for you.
Obviously, with Â the guarantee of a compromise that would sustain both sides in this Cold War telegraphed early, we now know that after Boehner’s plan reaches the Senate, it will be sent back without any balanced budget amendment language, and the end result will be Â an increase in the debt ceiling that pushes the issue past the 2012 elections, with dollar-for-dollar spending reductions over ten years. The rich will enjoy their current blow job tax rates until the next president takes the oath, which will be Obama, after he handily trounces GOP nominee Michelle Bachmann who, despite profiting from a mysterious automobile accident that results in Rick Perry’s decapitation, will not recover from the revelation of Tweeted photos of her husband sucking Rick Warren’s nipples while wearing a Winnie the Pooh costume.
This so-called crisis had everything but Obama and Boehner outrunning a fireball and leaping from the capital dome into the cabin of Navy One. Today the freshman House Republicans gave their conciliation speech, beginning the process of diminishing the expectations of the birther fringe of their movement so as to get the public ready for what they will ultimately send to Obama: a blaseÂ´ hike in the debt ceiling spiced with a little paprika of spending cuts. In other words, the deal they could have gotten months ago, if only grandstanding wasn’t first on their agenda.
There will be some whining about the fact that Obama won’t allow this issue to be punted halfway down the field to re-emerge six months from now, but anyone could have predicted that this would never be allowed to happen. So instead we spent the last few weeks watching the lunatic fringe earn their salaries masturbating their egos in front of the American public like apes in a plexiglassed habitat, just to show the world that they’ve got jizz in their balls. You’re still in a cage, assholes.
Never trust a politician who talks about changing business as usual. Both sides have to want to change together or nothing changes at all. Running out the clock on this routine business was nothing more than the same Hollywood horseshit of letting the bomb count down to “1″ before cutting the red wire. Nowadays the real art is deciding which single digit to end on. The concept is so clicheÂ´ that Â the number has to have some sort of meta significance, like “4″ being the number of years of happy marriage the hero enjoyed before the villain killed his wife.
Both parties decided to thrill us by taking the doomsday countdown Â to “1″, but no one is impressed by this kind of brinksmanship anymore. Cooperating for the good of the nation is the new nail-biting. Think these fuckers will discover that in time to stop dicking our emotions around?