Weapon Brown 11
Recently Roland, a Deep Fried fan, took polite umbrage with my portrayal of “furries”, his federally protected sub-species of humanity, in Deep Fried: We’re #1! Furries (for those of you who don’t know) are people who like to dress up in animal costumes, and then fuck animals who are dressed up in people costumes, and then sell videos of this behavior in underground fetish clubs which are frequently raided by Blade the Daywalker. My interpretation of their lifestyle was, if anything, tame compared to the reality.
Nonetheless, I told Roland (furname: “Spunkbunny Chowderchugger”) that I would praise furriness and its crimes on this site if he would only entice some of his breed to do some fan art for me. This they did, and with revolting gusto. If you ever wanted to see what Deep Fried would be like if I just scraped off its pretensions of humor and went straight for the jugular, please visit Roland’s warren and scroll down half a page to “A gentleman’s bet”. WARNING: This site is absolutely unsafe for work at any speed.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
amidst a sea of catchphrases and memes there was a shining jewel of pure mspaint depravity. guess the furries are good for mindbreaking fanart, if nothing else.
May 14th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Here’s the direct link to the thread. *Chan threads are notoriously short lived, though, so you may want to save this and host them somewhere. If you dare.
May 14th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I’m shocked at how acrimonious the furry-types were towards this Roland character and his little bet. Do you think they are petulent because they feel like a marginalized population of second-class citizens, or are they just cranky because they can never have sex with a dinosaur?
May 14th, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Oh pish posh, Eric. Imageboards are the grand melting pot of users from all walks who enjoy a good roast. In fact, you sound like quite the fellow to revel in our little sport. Come, be another of the many randomly flung fists in the crowd of Anonymous. We’ll be happy to postulate wildly at your own motives in return!
May 15th, 2008 at 12:36 am
So you’d basically give each fetish a twisted version of what they want?
May 15th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
My motives always are and shall remain clandestine, inviolate, and unrelated to animal-naughty bits (because I only have sex with robots).
May 15th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
I see… that must have been painful with the older models.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Ah yes, Eric…I’m sure your mother’s many years of prostitution left her emotionally dead to you, no doubt influencing your preference for the cold metallic comfort of your toaster oven. It must be heartbreaking to lose so many of your lovers to spooge-induced short circuits…you’d be a sad and lonely man indeed were Walmart not open 24 hours to serve your late night appliancy fetishes.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Actually, if you go to a furry convention, you’ll find plenty of people who don’t do the fursuit crap. I find that kind of thing disgusting myself to be honest, and for that group, I fully say they should be kicked out of the genetic pool.But, back to the subject, some people claim to be furries, because they are fans of the art, and the concept, and maybe fantasize about being an anthro creature. You’re speaking about the extremists, whom do the kind of stuff you wrote. IE the fursuit sex and stuff. blah.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:35 pm
Do not pander to these fucking weirdos, SIR! Do you really need the sales so badly as to stoop to pandering to a bunch of sexual deviants whose sole problem is they loved their fucking plush dolls a little too fucking much.
Be a man, ya faggots. Dress up like a Ghostbusters. It’s the manly thing to do.
May 15th, 2008 at 7:36 pm
Oh god, now I have learned the full story. What have you done?!
May 15th, 2008 at 8:04 pm
In the immortal words of the Poet:
“You ain’t never been with a lady robot! How you know you won’t like it?”
“…All our ladies have basic Ethernet. Read e-mail during boff, surf web, whatever is needed.”
Thank you, Onstad, for teaching us all to laugh and love…again.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
Ghostbusters? I suppose I shouldn’t be too surprised, since it’s typical for your garden variety corpulent, acne-riddled wastrel to fantasize about being a super hero figure. PIty your social skills never developed enough to come anywhere close your heroes’ charisma and wit, and you can only dream of doing something remotely as useful with your life as you sit there in the dark, hunched over your keyboard, surrounded by boxes of DC and Marvel comics all neatly packaged in their plastic sleeves. In your mom’s basement.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:22 pm
This coming from someone whose handle on the internets is furfag?
May 15th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
And all this acromony here? Totally the dinosaur thing, man.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:28 pm
Only on here, my dear chap. I wanted to be sure I wasn’t mistaken for one of you sad sods
And yes, the fat nerd in the basement stereotype is the default for the unimaginative, apologies for not devoting the time to crafting a more creative insult.
May 15th, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Ah, poor Eric, his imagination stretched to its limits, he’s resorted to repeating himself. As in all things, he turns out to be only a one-shot wonder…
May 15th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Just stating the major premise for my seminal thesis “Unrequited Archosaurian Sexual Syndrome and its effects on aggression in Homo sapiens threadboardensis”. Nobel Prize, here I come (can’t wait to meet that Princess Madeline of Sweden)!
May 15th, 2008 at 8:55 pm
Now look, I don’t want to have to moderate a war between the furries and the Ghostbusters, even though I would love to see photographs of it more than I’d want to be in a 3-way with Christina Ricci and Winona Ryder.
Furfag, you are ordered to write a nice piece of Slimer/Stay Puft Marshmallow man erotic fiction for Bo. And Bo, you are ordered to make sweet love to a Beanie Baby and give a YouTube testimonial about how you are still a man despite it. All friends now?
May 15th, 2008 at 10:13 pm
Furry, I can’t decide wither you should live or die~
May 16th, 2008 at 4:17 am
VERY WELL
I shall cater to your sick, perverse little fetish, Yungbluth. But some day–and that day may never come–I’ll call upon you to do a service for me. Neither erotica nor Ghostbusters are my particular forte so you a modicum of patience will be required.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:10 am
Wow… just wow.
May 16th, 2008 at 10:15 am
My favorite is the one that says ‘fuck your ugly ass character’ because I imagine the artist weighing in on Roadkill’s relative attractiveness to other cartoon animals. Poor Roadkill… never to make it in the cat erotica business.
May 18th, 2008 at 9:59 am
First off, i’m not even going to begin to point out the sheer fucking irony in a fucking fur-fetishist telling me I have poor social skills. Your whole goddamned fetish is full to the fucking brim with social rejects who “Wish their outer beauty could reflect their inner beauty”. You show me ONE goddamned fursuiting fuckwad who can even somewhat begin to pass as a normal human being on any level. You can’t do it. Shit, One of my best friends is one of you full blown furfags and he can barely goddamned function any sort of day to day level without having some aspergers induced confrontation with someone because the motherfucker is such a goddamned social misfit.
My social inadequacies have nothing to do with comics and nerdery, The only comics I own are the one our dark lord here has sold me. My poor social skills are due to the fact that i’m an angry vindictive prick, with sociopathic tendencies, a love for wild turkey, and a head full of fucking bad intentions. I’m very well aware of the problems floating around in my fucking domepiece, so you can save your Furry Fucking Freud routine for someone who WOULDN’T turn you into a hate crime statistic. So please Bambi, chime in with your 2 cents again, I dare yas.
May 18th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
YESSSS! Your hate has made you powerful! Now give me all your money and agree to weekly thetan-scrapings at my Scientology clinic and your journey to the Dark Side will be complete.
And Elka…Roadkill will become the furry stroke fantasy I have always imagined him as! I swear it!!
May 18th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
I must insist anyone who scrapes my thetan buy me a drink first.