The mist clings to the ground, obscuring the glistening, bony ribs of the cave floor. Condensation forms inside your space helmet as your breathing quickens. No one on the skyhook attached to the surface above you has ever descended this deep into the Internet.

No one dared.

Suddenly, a gust of air from deep in the cavern scatters the mist (is it air? Your wrist analyzer isn’t working. Something about the minerals in the cave walls). Rows of slick, ovoid shapes appear. Some sort of stalagmites, or…

No, these aren’t natural. Their surfaces are…odd. Like spongy leather. And unless your eyes are deceiving you, that one just pulsed.

There’s no denying it. Egg sacs! There must be hundreds of them! But the terraforming conglom swore that this region of cyberspace was devoid of life. It’s the find of two millenniums!

You bend over to examine the pod closest to you. There appears to be a crescent shaped orifice at the top. A sealed slit with spiny hairs protruding from it. From the top down, the egg sac looks like a closed eye.

The eye opens.

You are thrown backwards, as if a cannon shell has struck your face. Why is it dark? What is that creaking sound? You feel your helmet…something is there! Attached! Gripping the visor! That sound is the plastic slowly splitting. You can feel the thing thrusting obscenely, trying to force something sharp through the visor. You grab at the creature…it grabs also! Legs or tentacles on its back intertwine with your fingers, breaking one, then another. You pull back your hand in agony. The thrusting continues.

A sharp crack, like breaking ice. The atmosphere outside the suit (or is it the creature’s breath?) fills your nostrils with the smell of Listerine and engine oil. It’s in! Unseen, only felt: a spiny, snaking tendril, looking for–then finding–your mouth.

And then…Oh God! It’s down your throat! DEEP FRIED’S OVIPOSITOR IS DOWN YOUR THROAT!!!

….

Welcome back to web comics’ dark little secret! God, how I’ve missed you.

So, do you like what I’ve done with the place? Think the pink works? I thought the soft pastels might make a nice contrast to my “mature” content. But the color scheme is the mere tip of the iceberg, as you can surely see. Finally I’ve got a proper archive and comments capabilities just like I’ve wanted since I was a little boy. I’ve even got RSS, whatever the hell that is! Help yourself to as much of it as you want, though!

A whole lot of effort has gone into this transformation, and a whole lot more will go into keeping it interesting. This week’s offering is a brand new Flash cartoon, “Gooey Bag” (scroll down) which will be followed next week by the first of three Boogie Bunneez short stories. After that begins the new format for the Deep Fried comic strip. Rather than self-contained one page strips, I will be bleeding out new, long format stories with a couple installments per week, broken up to make them as self-contained as possible. The first arc will be one that has already been published, the “Scent of a Pancake” story from Deep Fried volume 2, #2. I have always considered that to be the kick off to a new chapter in the lives of Beepo, Roadkill and Squints, and the subsequent arcs will pick up where that story left off. If things go well, this format will continue until I have enough material for a print collection. I look forward to getting as much feedback as possible from you, my starving fans, so don’t be bashful about telling me what you really think. And you’d be helping me out a lot if you could spread the word about my pretty new site, blink blink blink.

The new Whatisdeepfried.com stands spread-eagled against the wall, waiting to be probed by the latex glove of your approval. Look around, drop a comment, and welcome back!

And now…

Vote for GOOEY BAG on Newgrounds.com!